List of girls I like: L, M, C, J, R, K
List of girls who like me: M, C
List of girls I want: L
Fuck you niggers.
Guys, my mom is such a boss. Back in her hay day, she dropped acid twice to go along with the countless heaps of coke and meth she did. Don’t worry, she’s been clean 10 years longer than I’ve been alive x)
This was supposed to be the best summer ever. Looking back at all the plans we had, it just makes me tear up to think about how stupid I was. We had everything, we would dance in the moonlight, lay under the stars and talk, cuddle, be stupid together in public, just be TOGETHER. To think not even 2 months ago I couldn’t wait for this summer to come. It was supposed to be the best 3 months of my life. It was supposed to be when we celebrated our 1 year anniversary. It was supposed to be able to hold me throughout the school year while we struggled to see each other again. It was supposed to be that tiny little sliver of light that showed we DID have hope. There WAS a reason to keep going, even though through our almost 8 months of dating, we had only seen each other 7 times. And not just through that 8 months, but the 14 months we had known each other. It was supposed to show people that we had something, something I ultimately threw away in a heartbeat. If I could take it back, I swear I would in a milisecond. With no hesitation. But I can’t, and this is even worse than last February, when I lost you for the first time. This is so much worse, unfathomably worse. I want you back, somehow, anyhow. Just to be able to talk to you again. Because even before and while being my girlfriend, you were one of my best friends, you were someone I could talk to and go to about anything. I swear I meant it every time I said I needed you in my life and didn’t want to hurt you, and that I didn’t want to lose you. But I did, because I’m a stupid teenager. I threw away all I worked for for a YEAR. I spent a whole entire year of my life for something I threw away in less than 24 hours. I shed tears, I endured heartache, longing, happiness and then sudden sadness at the fact I was leaving you again. You were the one person I couldn’t give up on, and who I won’t ever be able to forget about because of the impact you’ve had on my life. You were my motivation to do well in school, and to keep going. I didn’t want you above all others to be disappointed in me. I remember the first time I sang for you, I was so scared, I hadn’t sung for anyone since I used to sing for my grandma on the phone when I was a little boy. You just sat there and listened, didn’t even make a sound. It was beautiful, at least to me. I don’t care what anyone else says, it was to me. There were so many promises, now broken. I want to fix everything, but you make me want to give up, I know I shouldn’t get a THIRD chance, but everyone knows third time’s a charm, eh? I wish, I just wish there was some way to get you to forgive me, because I really am sorry. I mean it in the very sense of the word. I don’t even know why I tried to stay friends, I knew after all we’d been through we wouldn’t be able to go back to that. I know I shouldn’t have even had to make us go into the situation to have to be “just friends”. It was an idiotic, rash decision that I regretted as soon as I made it, but I couldn’t just tell you never mind. You’d have known. I don’t even know why I lied to you and didn’t just tell you the straight truth, that’s probably the reason you got most mad at me, and I understand why. It was cowardly, I knew it was when I was doing it, yet I did it anyway. I know most likely no one will even read this, since it’s so God damn long, and especially you, since you don’t even have FB anymore and if you did we wouldn’t be friends. So this is just a vent about how what was supposed to be the greatest summer ever is most likely going to be me moping about it, and turning into the crappiest one. So here’s to one last apology, I think it’s time I just try and get over you. You’re too smart a girl to give an asshole like me a third chance, no matter how much you love me. Well, I’m sorry and I love you with all my being. If you have to ask who this is about, it’s none of your business anyway.
